First, I have to apologize to my friends and family for not keeping anyone updated on my health in the last several weeks. I know your concerns and curiosities stem from the utmost love... THANK YOU!
I‘ve been grinding this past month or so over the holidays....But, I had promised myself the day I removed my PICC line, I’d take a break from all the poking, prodding, doctors and all hospitals/clinics alike. Like any other person who has experienced intensely traumatic days <or MONTHS, in my case> I had no choice but to work on my mental health and unfortunately, some PTSD/anxiety regarding my pain and anything to do with hospitals or doctors.
But of course, I was forced to break that promise and that deductible had been met in 2017 so...... all those pokes and prods were free for the rest of December..... you catch my drift??
Anywayyy... I “got” to revisit my lovely and longtime friends at the Mayo Clinic down in Arizona and I was quickly reminded that I needed to appreciate the rain while waiting on my rainbow. ️🌈
We have some long awaited answers and an optimistic outlook on helping treat a few of my symptoms. Right before Christmas, I was diagnosed with a heart and nerve ‘complication’, called “Postural orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome” or most usually referred to and recognized as “PoTS.”
With this, I have excessively low volumes of blood returning to my heart as I stand, walk and exercise. As many may remember, I have had a resting heart rate of over 105 for the past 5 months now. When I stand or walk, that bpm jumps to 170 or into the 180s. This has been a huge emotional burden on me as of late as I have tried to come to terms with my “new heart.” I will need to slowly recondition my heart to be able to withstand the kind of active lifestyle I once was so accustomed to.
It’s been a difficult transition in going from the highest of the high (athletically/physically) and to now find myself below rock bottom... kinda closer to the center of the earth.. like at the Molten Lava level. But shoot, it’s pretty warm there from what I hear... 🌅😎⛅
There is currently no cure for PoTS but there are precautions and some drastic diet changes that can make my life a lot more tolerable in the future! We are currently waiting on a large panel of blood tests and a punch skin biopsy test to determine if I have any other underlying autonomic nerve issues or if my PoTS has stemmed from a larger Autoimmune disorder. For now, it’s a waiting game and a gamble every single day I wake up, but I’ve learned so much this year. 2017 is definitely one for the books.... I know I’ll look back on some of those journal entries some day and just shake my head; wondering how in the world I made it out alive. In the big picture, someday these horrible times will be just that... a small bump in the road in comparison to the wonderful life I have in front of me!
So now, here we are in wonderful 2018 and I’m taking this new found knowledge and strength:
- I’ve had the blessing to experience how amazing the gift of Eternal Marriage is and how serious my husband takes those blessings.
- I’ve learned that it’s OK to admit that I need help.
- I’m still learning to not fear the future and take each moment as it comes.
- I learned that my Life Mantra has been all wrong this whole time.... <I can sure as hell “get up” a lot more times than 10...>
- I’ve seen, firsthand, how chocolate pudding looks much better in the cup, than attached to my backside. <ha...>
- I’ve recognized how many amazing friends have entered/re-entered my life as well as how many people I once considered friends slowly drift out of my life, for good. Everyone is in your life for a reason, even if it’s only for now.
- I’ve recognized how important it is to count the little blessings in life and even if you have to squint and turn UPSIDE DOWN... I promise you, there is ALWAYS a Silver Lining. <Or as many of my close friends know, I prefer to see the GLITTER>🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
- I now know that I really was and always will be a true Sun Devil (I crave the SUN and am a DEVIL when temps dip below 60). ️🌅🌞
- I’ve battled relentlessly with daily trials and have held on tight to one of my favorite quotes: “How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow, before thanking God there is rain...” ️🌈⛅
I have thanked God for my trials but am now very anxious to leave them in the dust... sometimes as I lie awake in bed fighting another wave of severe pain... I just keep repeating what I chanted so many times in the hospital;
“I CAN do this... I can do this.... Just one foot in front of the other.”
