No Ordinary Love

Flashback to when I thought I loved you. And yet, today, my love grows for you still. Day by day.

You still give me butterflies with a simple look, even after nearly 4 years together.... I think from the first moment I saw you I felt some force, greater than ourselves, “pulling” me to you. Some days I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that God put you in my path for us to meet again. Because I truly 

                  believe I loved you long before 2014.

I’m so crazy stupid in love with you Rathen J. Always have been, always will be. But probably even more tomorrow than I do today and today is even greater than yesterday....

I know I can be hard to live with and the past two years have been hard, because of my health.

You’ll never truly know the depth of the guilt I feel over that... but the only thing I hope you can ALWAYS know is how much you mean to me and how much you DO for me, even within the simplest of gestures.

It’s true that we don’t have it as easy as ordinary couples, but ours is no ordinary love.

Sometimes I catch you staring at me from across the room, or you give me a subtle and private wink or smile in a crowded room, just to remind me that you love me, even after the horrible things I’ve put you through.

Ray, YOU are my LIGHT in this world right now and I can’t thank you enough!! At times I don’t feel deserving of the kind of love you give me. God is so great and knew exactly what I needed in my eternal companion. I’ll be loving you for eternity and then forever after that....

No Ordinary Love

Flashback to when I thought I loved you. And yet, today, my love grows for you still. Day by day. 

You still give me butterflies with a simple look, even after nearly 4 years together.... I think from the first moment I saw you I felt some force, greater than ourselves, “pulling” me to you. Some days I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that God put you in my path for us to meet again. Because I truly believe I loved you long before 2014. 

I’m so crazy stupid in love with you Rathen J. Always have been, always will be. But probably even more tomorrow than I do today and today is even greater than yesterday....

I know I can be hard to live with and the past two years have been hard, because of my health. 

You’ll never truly know the depth of the guilt I feel over that... but the only thing I hope you can ALWAYS know is how much you mean to me and how much you DO for me, even within the simplest of gestures. 

It’s true that we don’t have it as easy as ordinary couples, but ours is no ordinary love. 

Sometimes I catch you staring at me from across the room, or you give me a subtle and private wink or smile in a crowded room, just to remind me that you love me, even after the horrible things I’ve put you through. 

Ray, YOU are my LIGHT in this world right now and I can’t thank you enough!! At times I don’t feel deserving of the kind of love you give me. God is so great and knew exactly what I needed in my eternal companion. I’ll be loving you for eternity and then forever after that.... 

Sheila’s Ode

Her cherry red paint job is only as red as the blood that pumps through our heart as we push down the gas pedal, all the way to the floor, just to get rolling along. After the surgery, her fixed power steering only endeared us more. More than just a way of transportation, Sheila was and always will be a fighter-and a lover. In the immortalized words of Billy Joel "And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free. Yeah, she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me."






Credit Given and Written:

Adam Smith, September 8, 2017

God’s Timing

When everything seems like it's falling apart, that's when God is putting things back together, just the way he wants it.


This is where we start our comeback. I will spend no more time asking God why doors have been closed... because I'll be too busy praising God for doors that are about to open.


And so it was... that she, having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised. - Hebrews 6:15


If it doesn't open, it's not a door. God's timing is perfect.






Written: April 19, 2017

God's Timing

When everything seems like it's falling apart, that's when God is putting things back together, just the way he wants it.

This is where we start our comeback. I will spend no more time asking God why doors have been closed... because I'll be too busy praising God for doors that are about to open.

"And so it was... that she, having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised." - Hebrews 6:15

If it doesn't open, it's not a door. God's timing is perfect. 

A Glimpse of Death

Sooo, I have experienced my first and VERY HOPEFULLY my LAST “Air Embolism.”

Definition of Air Embolism:
An air embolism is a blood vessel blockage caused by one or more bubbles of air or other gases in the circulatory system. Very painful while going through the lungs. Divers can also suffer from a form of air embolism that is commonly referred to as “The Bends.”

While getting treatment today, I was doing my Ozone therapy first, where they take blood out and mix it with O3 (Ozone) and put it back in through a vacuum pressured bottle. Viruses cannot live WITH oxygen, and therefore we hope to kill Vinny the Virus! Treatments have been great and I’ve felt very optimistic about really eliminating this virus from my body indefinitely.

Today, however, I had dozed off and while doing so, the nurses momentarily turned their backs at the same time my treatment was completed. The whole bottle was empty of blood, but Ozone and Oxygen remained in the bottle, and therefore was being vacuum pumped straight into my heart and lungs through my PICC line.

As I said, I had dozed off for just a few minutes and the next thing I know is the excruciating pain and the innate inability to breathe. With each heartbeat, I could FEEL and HEAR my heart make a “squish squish” “squish, squish” sound. (The only way I can describe the feeling and the sound pounding in my ears is the same sort of sound you’d hear when you blow out your pipes during the winter or when the water pump lifts from your pond when you're irrigating with pipes? #CountryGirlProbs LOL).

I could feel it in my chest and throat immediately and woke up to hard sharp pains in my chest and the horrible sound, along with not being able to take more than about a 10% breath. I truly thought I was having a heart attack or my lungs had collapsed.

I looked at my bottle/tube and my blood was completely emptied from the bottle, but the vacuum pressure was still pumping straight Ozone into my PICC line, that leads directly into my heart. I starting yelling (as best as I could with lack of oxygen) and I’ve never felt a more intense amount of pain or fear in my life.

My lungs began to seize from having Ozone pushed into them and I started dry heaving because my oxygen was cut off and my chest was tightening. At this point, I was straining for even a single breath. The nurses were running everywhere to get the oxygen machine and a puke bucket. Hahah (“I had em runnin!” As my Grandma Lil would say.)

I was close to passing out from the lack of oxygen in my system and from the horrible pain in my chest. My heart /chest felt tight and heavy and I could physically feel my lungs and heart pumping.

They kept asking if I was OK and I’m like “Um.... no. I’m NOT ok!”
Thankfully, after about 30 min, I could then take a deep breathe with only moderate levels of pain. I still have oxygen on and a heated sand bag on my chest/ribs to help me breathe the Ozone out of my lungs.

My chest still feels very tight and like 1000lbs is sitting on it. My throat is extremely hoarse and dry, and is hurting from all of the dry heaving and from the lack of oxygen to my lungs.... Even trying to just swallow water, I begin to dry heave again.... but I’m settling down and am already very very fatigued.





Today will be a long day but again.... I WAS KNOCKED DOWN (a lot), BUT I GOT UP 10!!!



BOOM LETS GOOOOOO!!!

PICC your Battles

A good day turned bad real fast.... I currently have a permanent PICC line now for treatments instead of poking me every time because my lower veins are "valvey" and caving in. Which is good... and I’m starting the Absorbic Acid Treatments along with a new “MAH”/Ozone Treatment (or in other words oxygenating my blood and then putting it back in) Viruses are anaerobic and can’t live with oxygen.

Well, the PICC line procedure was a DISASTER!!!! We were there for FOUR HOURS......

• First, she put the wrong kind of PICC line in (She gave me a single-port and I needed a 2-port PICC) Which, of course, she didn't realize until AFTER she sewed in all up and cleaned it...
• So, next, she switched it out for a 2-port PICC and re-stitched it all AGAIN...
• Next, we trudged our way all the way across the hospital to get my X-rays to make sure the PICC was in the right place— AND ITS WAS GOING UP MY NECK!!!!!!!! So.....
• She then tried again and my tendon collapsed so she had to leave the tube in my arm, while I bled all over the surgery table and floor (I'm currently on blood thinners) and after 15 minutes of hearing my blood splatter on the ground went for attempt #4... 
• And finally, on CUT #4 with a whole new doctor... he finally got it in after a lot of Lidocaine and heavy heavy breathing. Holy hellava dayyy...

4 hours in a surgical gown, 17+ shots = over 8mg of Lidocaine, 8 sets of stitches torn out and then re-sewn, 4 different PICC lines, 3 surgeons, 4 X-rays, 1 PICC line going up my NECK (instead of my heart)...counted 35.5 tiles on the ceiling, 19 trees in the painting on the wall (27 if you count the shrubs), and 16 spindles on the ceiling fire sprinkler.......

We will have to clean the PIIC line daily, as any bacteria or germs that travel through the tube will have access directly into my heart, so it is paramount that we sanitize is thouroughly every day and take precaution... Cheers to having Mr. PIIC line as a buddy for an entire MONTH.

 
#grinandbearit #bloodthinnersdonthelp #sprayingbloodfountains #massacreinroom114 #theyknockedmedown9times #igotup10 #anxietymuch ? #ionlycriedonce #ididntevengetasticker