For the last 6 months, as I’ve learned to accept my “new” self and new identity as a mother, I found myself resenting my lack of personal space, “ME” time, and all of the simple mundane tasks I used to take for granted before I became a mom. And I held extreme guilt for having these thoughts and feelings... was I a horrible mom for thinking these things?! I absolutely LOVE my baby girl and would do anything for her happiness. She is the reason I get to smile and laugh EVERY SINGLE DAY and she makes me feel so “light.” I could just cry I love her so damn much. But I can also honestly and realistically say.... I didn’t understand hearing the phrases like, “I can’t imagine my life without you in it” or “my life wasn’t complete until you came to this world...”
And I would say to myself:
And I would say to myself:
“UM HELL YES, I can veryyyy much imagine life before motherhood!!!!”
I had ample time to SLEEP, I could EAT whenever and whatever I wanted to, I could SHOWER without stress or rushing through my routine, if I wanted to leave the house.... I COULD, I didn’t have CONSTANT fear and worry pulsing through my heart at every moment of the day, and I sure as hell didn’t have these ugly STRETCH MARKS and 25+ lbs to lose “before my baby” **** 😳
***** {okkayyy, bring on the haters for “shaming” my mom bod and not instantly falling in love with motherhood}
...but guess what.... I’m human.... with needs and limitations. And being a MOM is freaking HARD!!
But here comes the good stuff; I promise....
Through all of this CHANGE, however, I’ve only grown even more fond and find myself absolutely WORSHIPPING my own mother {and ALL of the amazingly strong and beautiful mothers who surround me daily} for the woman she is and the INCREDIBLE job she did as my mother, and uniquely; as my best friend.
I have found such a deep appreciation and humbled respect for the title “mother.” You THINK you understand the level of sacrifice, time, energy, love, and sleepless nights mothers' devote to their children; until your autonomy completely ceases to exist.
I have no doubt my mother had some of the exact same feelings I’ve had over the last 6 months, and yet I distinctly remember “crashing” her bubble bath EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. growing up.... She would take her bath and I would sit on the edge of the tub to stick my feet in and just...... talk.
I’m overwhelmed with emotion today, as I reflect on all of those absolutely precious moments of my childhood that my mom sacrificed {once again} her time and energy for silly conversations with a 6 year old...... and let’s be honest; this even happened when I was 25. No doubt, what she was truly trying to do was to enjoy just 20-30 minutes of blissful peace and quiet in the evenings (like I do now!) and yet, when I came knocking on that bathroom door...... she’d smile and immediately wave me in.
Mothers are incredible. Yes, I’m now a MOM but I don’t think I’ve quite earned the title of “MOTHER” yet. Someday I hope to be even half as selfless, patient, attentive, caring, and loving as my own mother was.... and still is!
Motherhood is a superhuman job.
I love you, Mama!!
Happy Mother’s Day to my best friend Cinnyyy, my beautiful Mother in Law (Rebzzz), Brooke, Lex, Ken, Grandmas on all sides, Aunties, Self-Appointed Aunties, My God Mama, and allll the other women in my life.
I'm so blessed to have baddie women like YOU all as role models and prime examples of motherhood.
XxoOxXoOoXx
