Time For Me

I lost my nerve the day he lost his self control. He swore to me, he lost it in style. 

I tried it once but then thought I'd lost a real connection, tried it twice convinced he could change.... third time's a charm and I settled with his imperfections.. then lost some of myself on the way.

Now's the time, my time for me. You took this stuff too seriously. You can't come back to haunt me. You won't.

We talked it out to try to find some inspiration, that time around we thought we would change. I searched for some sort of inclination maybe, just maybe I could stay.

But now's the time, the time for me. You can't come back to haunt me.

But now you come around... you come with too much sound. And maybe, finally, I can just break away.

Now the time for me. Now is OUR time, you claim. No more times, cuz now's the time for me. You won't.. you can't come back to haunt me. You can't. 

Father Knows Best

Father knows Best

Born to a virgin, they said it couldn’t be so.

For the Son of God, to be lying there so low.

Not much of a childhood, I grew to know the plan.

I needed to be faithful for the salvation of every man.

I’m more than just a guy, a face in the crowd

The haters will spit, but the believers will bow

I knew it wouldn’t be peaceful but I was meant to die

It might be hard, but for my Father, I’ll try.

I’m meant to ride with clouds beneath my knees,

And Ill suffer for your sin, where no one else will see.

I’ll be alone for a while, so someday we’ll be together

I beg for release, but Father said it’s for the better

They’ll take me then and upon my head some thorns

They’ll be the scared and frightened ones when the sky is filled with horns.

I fade in the pain, hanging high above

Take away my mother, and make sure she knows my love

They’re pleased with the murder, gone is the Son

Forgive them my Father; they know not what they’ve done

One day the children will be home, sitting at my knee

Once blind and unbelieving, but then they’ll finally see.

The plan we fought for worked, we did it; you and me

We’ll forever be in His glory, and live infinitely.

Just Love Me

Compliment me.

We'll start a romance.

First things first, love me.

inside of me

I can’t help but fly

I’m more than just a girl looking for love

More than just a face in the crowd, a number on the team

But sometimes, it’s hard to be me

Inside of me, I know who I am

Others want to define me but I let then know who I am

I stand where I stand

I kneel where I kneel

I’m someone’s daughter, niece, friend

Wrapped around my dad’s finger

My biggest fan is mom

Inside of me, I wish I could fall on all fours

I wish my face could be wet with tears

Let me stumble just once

Heroes have the right to bleed

And even stars burn to the earth

People watch for me to fall; they make wishes on me.

Men are meant to rise

Watch me ride with a cloud beneath my feet

When I get there, I’ll go higher still

Inside of me, I’m greater with the hurt

Pain; a common sense

Correlated with victory, there is no win without a loss

They’re not out to find my better part

But the part they want to find

I’ll stand holding hands with the Sun

I shine regardless of the rain

It’s not easy, I’m more,

I’m more. Inside of me.

the Sunshine.

You can ask if I'm ok, but I won’t answer. But I know you care in the good way. Also, you'll be able to tell because I'm hooked to a heart monitor. If it beats 68 four times then 76 once, well, then you're going to know. I can get a bless if I need it and I can get a bless even if I don’t. Write the letters and feel the pain but let the words fill it and heal it.

Don’t let others feel the same sadness. Hide and don’t let them find you. Childhood game. So it’s ok. Sometimes I feel my face and the ocean water must have spit on me. Salt stays dried on my cheeks, and stings my eyes. The earth rids the reality of it. 10 seconds on TV and 100 words in news print. Shocks roll in and out, no expectation. No prep.

 I put my head in the cold, dark ocean; no one can hear the scream. Watched the sun go down to shed tears in the dark. I feel like it can pass now. This time I’ll let it travel through instead of washing over my crippled mass. Rolling me, scraping me. I bled.
           I f

               e

                l

                  l

My friends and family need me back; I see it in their eyes. I need to fight for me, and for you. Waiting for the day where the dark will limp away and Sunshine will fill the spaces once again.

home

where i come from....

blue skies

white fluffy clouds

fresh air

cool, but warm....clean breeze with the sun

greenest grasses

sound of meadowlarks

sprinklers in the distance

dad smells like mowed lawn

clean

hearing fish surface in the pond

fishing

fourwheeling through the ice cold stream

getting up before the day to run

dirt roads

thin air

watching the sunrise

crisp mornings with dew

working next to nature

quaking aspens fluttering

picnics

l.a.u.g.h.i.n.g.

country music

tan, heat

ice cold water

streams gushing water

afternoon rain showers

family dinner on the back porch

deep blue silhouetted mountains

laying in the hammock

soft bawling of calves

the mew of an elk herd

campfire smell

bonfire stories and songs

pitch black skies

a million stars

coats and holding hands

smores

ping pong tournaments in the barn

heaven

going to bed with the sound of paradise

and when i wake up...?

i do it all again.

this is my home.

couRAGE

failure turns to revenge.

disappointment to anger.

my tears to loathing.

couRAGE isn't happiness.

couRAGE isn't glory.

couRAGE is sometimes ugly.

"show me a man who has never failed....and i'll show you a man who has never tried"

we need to fall.

scrape my knee.

make me bleed.

ill be better than you.

stronger than you.

faster than you.

if you make me fall nine times... you're only making me get up ten.