When Life Gives you Lymes...

WE. FINALLY. HAVE. ANSWERS. 

In my 4 year journey of hospitals, horrors, clinics, trials, medication disasters, blood clots, close calls with death, heart embolisms, and constant pain.... there is finally a flicker of light. 





We have searched so relentlessly for answers and have pondered and prayed and pleaded with God and doctors alike to give us a glimmer of hope or even a small idea that we could take a run with..

Most importantly, I'd like to take note of all of the countless hours my family and friends have spent on their knees in prayer on my behalf. Thank you for you for your BLESSINGS and MANY prayers... they really have been answered.

 I’ve received my official test results back to reveal that I’ve been diagnosed with: 

❌ LYME DISEASE ❌

So what is "LYME DISEASE?!" 

Well, let me tell ya... 👀

Lyme dis·ease

/ˈlīm diˌzēz/ noun

"an inflammatory disease characterized at first by a rash, headache, fever, and chills, and later by possible arthritis and neurological and/or cardiac disorders, caused by bacteria that are transmitted by ticks or other similar insects."

Yes, there is a very clear and concise definition for what Lyme really is. However, there are many misconceptions about this disease and quite frankly, many issues within the government in trying to hide this national EPIDEMIC. 

This disease is becoming more and more prevalent in today’s world but patients are being misdiagnosed (knowingly) by doctors with things like: fibromyalgia, chronic neurological issues or other autoimmune disorders so that our nation doesn’t go into 'panic mode' when they realize how common this disease is. 

With this horrible conspiracy, doctors and state of the art medical facilities, like The Mayo Clinic, won't treat for Lyme Disease and will dissuade you from your true diagnostic because if antibiotics are administered, as needed, to cure this horrendous disease - their medical licenses will be revoked and taken from them for giving "unneeded" medication or for "over prescribing" a patient with "no diagnostic" in their systems.... even if they CLEARLY have Lyme Disease.

So no... Don't even get me started... 

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As for me, the journey ahead is still a tough one!! But now that we have a diagnostic, WE CAN GET TO WORK! 💥

Along side the Borreliosis (this is the Lyme Disease “strain/type” I have) I also tested positive for a co-infection called Babesia, which is a malaria-like Protozoa. 

It is very common to develop multiple co-infections along side Lyme Disease since our immune systems are compromised. As of today, Babesia is the only other co-infection my blood tests have revealed. However, I will need to be tested with a full panel of other potential co-infections when I see my Lyme Doctor next week. 👊

In the upcoming weeks, months and most likely even years, I will be receiving daily or weekly antibiotic treatments to kill the Lyme Disease. Unfortunately, I will ALSO be needing to do treatments for each and every co-infection I have contracted as well. 

(I shoot for the stars, don’t I?!) 🤣💥🙈😷

For a comparison and to comprehend what my life will be like in the coming years, my doctor has told me that treatments may be comparable to patients going through chemotherapy.

This being said, I am in no way saying that having Lyme Disease is as bad as having cancer... (so this is no disrespect towards those fighting cancer!💖) However, the treatments I will be receiving will have high probabilities of some severe and excruciating side effects (just as chemo does to cancer patients)
Understand the connection now?  

As the Lyme is being killed through various forms of antibiotics, and other "cocktails" of intravenous medication, the bug will only try to “dig in further” and hold on for dear life. 

With this, my doctor advised me to expect varying degrees of severe detox reactions or symptoms similar to ones seen with cancer patients doing their chemo therapies. 

Every Lyme Disease is different in many ways, just as there are hundreds of different kinds of cancer. This being said, my antibiotics will be a “cocktail” specifically designed to attack and kill off MY Lyme Disease (Borreliosis).

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Now... ladies and gents....
you all knew this was coming. We have some things to discuss concerning my: 

GLITTER LININGS!! 

• We are sooo lucky that I’ve been diagnosed at the ripe age of 25. This means I am STRONG. This also means I (hopefully soon) will have a stronger immune system than a 40 or 50 year old, for example. 

• (Right now, my immune system is completely non-existent) This is why Vinny has been able to have a permanent address marked as, "Kizzy's Body: Head to Toe" for the last 4 years!! As the antibiotics and medications re-strengthen my immune system, we will be able to complete our Operation: Evict Vinny!!! YAAAASSS!

• Likewise, I have “only” been fighting for 4 years. With this, the little guys haven't had an exponential amount of time to “burrow in” as they have with patients who have had untreated Lyme for 5 or 10+ years. Granted, this trial has certainly wreaked some severe havoc and caused all of my following daily struggles (WHICH WILL SOON BE A THING OF THE PAST): 

• BRAIN FOG... yes, I'm sure Rathen will be VERY happy to cross this symptom off of my list and stop having to answer the same question 4, 5, and 6 times in 1 hours time because I've literally LOST that part of my life forever to this blasted disease. This is a symptom that I have struggled the most with emotionally and mentally. This is also a symptom that has lead me into some of my very "Low Valley Days" as I contemplate all of the beautiful things in life that I have no recollection of. Thankfully, (GLITTER LINING) I have become very handy at videoing all of the fun events, occasions and moments with my nieces, nephews and family members on my phone so that I can watch them later to hopefully "jog" my memory with a goal to not let too much of my life pass me by. 
• 
  
• SPINAL & BACK PAIN. Oh yes... no more BLACKING OUT due to the severity of muscle spasms and spinal pain, which of course leads right up into your skull and adds to your... 
• 
  
• MIGRAINES!! Goodbye, come back NEVER. That's all I have to say to you. Thank you, NEXT. 
• 
  
• BLEEDING MOUTH/THROAT ULCERS. Please refer to the above mentioned statement to migraines. Maybe now, I can stop with the "liquids" only Bull $h!t and stop bloating and retaining water weight like NONE OTHER. ("Hello, My name is Fat Amy"). 
• 
  
• NUMB HANDS AND FEET. Yikes.... who knew having something on your body being completely numb could actually HURT?! That doesn't even logically make sense... and yet.... 
• 
  
• AND THE LIST GOES ON.... BUT I'M BORED. So let us move on to the rest... really get down to the nitty gritty...

With this information, we know from speaking with other Lyme Disease patients that my INTRAVENOUS treatments may only be a few months long, as opposed to years long and then we can switch to an oral medication schedule. (of course, this timeline solely depends upon how many co-infections we find from my blood work this coming week) 

Moving forward, we will be firing on all cylinders and now that we know my opponent, I know exactly who I’m stepping into the ring with to KNOCK OUT!!!  

We have my initial appointment with a doctor from Scottsdale on Tuesday, April 16th.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Lastly, I just want to give a shout out and a "thank you" to everyone for your love, support and prayers. You’ve all done so so much for me as I’ve fought this battle and I appreciate each and every one of you.

 I know this will be a long and hard road ahead, but with this incredible family and our Heavenly Father all fighting for Team (Willey) Ricedorff, I know I will come out on top.

Yes, I'm scared and yes, I'm anxious/nervous about what is to come... who wouldn't be?! But let's be honest:  

"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHICH STRENGTHENS ME."

AND I'M OUT. ❤💋💀 

Birthdays and Hopeful Wishes

Hello, Friends!! 

⚠️⚠️ NOVEL AHEAD ⚠️⚠️ 

Spark Notes (you're welcome):

1. B-dAy #25 was KIZZALiCiOUS. 💞

2. I’m fighting my fight and as always, I’M GETTING UP. 💋💛

As for my ‘not so quick’ birthday and HEALTH update, I wanted to first tell my incredible friends and family how amazing ALLLL of your texts, messages, FaceTimes, calls, etc were for my birthday yesterday!! You left me feeling LOVED and oh soooo BLESSED.  

💋💋💋 THANK YOU. 💋💋💋

(Commence: Overload of BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION MEMORIES!)

 

I’d like to follow that update with this year’s birthday wish, as I blew out my candle last night.... {and pish posh about the whole “it won’t come true” saga - whateverrrr!!} 

This year, I simply made a wish that I could “REMEMBER THIS DAY.” 💛💛 Because it was incredible. 💛💛

Sounds kind of lame, huh? 

But for 3.5 years now, I can honestly say I’ve only truly been present in both mind and spirit, for about 2.5 of those years. 

I’ve lost so much time in this fight. And I’m done. I’m done forgetting the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the quiet moments, as well as the loudest. I’m ready to be set free. 

I fight so very hard each and every day to be rid of this trial. And it has taken some pretty special days away from me because of the medication and treatments I’ve had to be on. 

Every single day of this fight, I’m forced to make a choice. But I digress, it’s honestly not completely a choice anymore. 

My “choices” are whether I want to go into cardiac arrest today....or not. I have a “choice” to remember if Rathen has told me he loved me today...or not. I have the “choice” if I’d like to black out from the pain and wake up while paramedics load me into the back of yet another ambulance; sirens blaring. 

Which option would you be choosing? 

.....That’s what I thought. 💥

But sometimes this choice means that, yes, I experience severe brain fog both on AND off these medications. The hardest part about this is REMEMBERING that I’ll FORGET.... how ironic is that? 👀

And perhaps the most morbid yet beautiful thing about this fight, is that I fight it in silence. This is a silent battle that not many people can truly understand, if anyone.... and in that, I also fight this war alone. 

But I have hope. I have the hope that this time is “the time” we‘ll find answers and that I will be set free. And in saying this, I realize how perilous a thing “Hope” is... the hope to be that ‘one in a million chance’.... or the hope that I can be ‘the special one’.... JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 

A PARADOX; wanting to be special, just like everyone else... 

But as doom and gloom as all of this has sounded, I have to say: 

I. AM. BLESSED. and there are GLITTER LININGS ALL AROUND ME!!! 

As I continue to fight this particular flare up of my unknown illness for the fourth time, I’ve heard way too many people say, “She must not be ‘that bad’ since she hasn’t been hospitalized yet.” 

{WHICH IS TRUE!!... kind of} 

However...... this has only been possible due to the fact that I have an absolutely amazing DOCTOR and NEURO TEAM 

at the Mayo Clinic on board! 

I’ve been able to “skip the line” to the circus shenanigans that people commonly refer to as “the ER” and receive the needed medication and care to keep me comfortable at home while we anxiously await my Lyme Disease test results and develop our “what’s next” plan!! 

So as I wait, I have HOPE and I’m grasping for my STRENGTH and holding on for dear life to my CIRCLE of supporters.... 

and oh, what a large circle that is!!! 

I’m having some High Mountain Days as well as some 

very Low Valley Days. (Don’t we all?!) ⛰ 

So, as I reach rock bottom yet again, I’m rebuilding and I’m drawing on others strength to help me climb out of those Low Valley Days. It doesn’t matter if you climb out alone or if you need a little help... But regardless, IM GETTING UP!! 🤙🏼

So until next time,

 bye, Felicia. 

The Post Infusion Update, Yo

Overall, I haven’t felt any kind of immediate reaction to my 3 day infusion, unless you include MORE PAIN. (ugh!) 

I HAVE been able to go home each evening after the infusions and sleep very deeply and restfully for over 4 hours!! 

(Huge score and LOTS OF GLITTER)💛

However, the pain is typically the exact same or even WORSE after leaving the Clinic after the infusions.

Overall Pain Update from Head to Toe: 

1. Experiencing 24/7 deep aching pains throughout my back/shoulders/neck 

2. Increased pain in my lower back/sciatic nerve region (which then runs down my hamstrings and makes walking, standing, and sitting very uncomfortable 

3. Intermittent sharp stabbing/electrocuting pain running from my upper armpit down through my tricep and elbow area 

4. Relatively consistent “weakness” and “heavy” feeling in both hands and legs due to some numbness 

5. High pressure/tightness in my hands (feels like they are about to explode — if that makes sense? -- YIKESS! 

6. Currently have only about 2-3 mouth sores but the past 2 weeks I’ve also been dealing with extreme “sluffing” of skin from my cheeks… almost as if the inside of my mouth is peeling.

** I am consistently picking dead skin from out of my mouth and from off my tongue (I know... TMI! DISGUSTING) 

UNTIL NEXT TIME... I promise, I'll just be GETTING UP! 

Operation: Kill Vinny: Phase 1, Day 3

Well, friends..... as you know, Vinny and I are having a pillow fight again but he cheated and filled his pillow case with freaking bricks. 

⚠️⚠️ PSA: NOVEL AHEAD!! ⚠️⚠️ 

Summarized Version: 

🎶 I’m still alive, but I’m barely breathin’ 🎶 

Let’s set the scene of how things have been going this week: 

Once upon a time, I laid my little head down at 9:30 PM with plans to “rest rest rest” just like doc had prescribed..... and before I knew it, my phone read 5:33 AM and my eyelids had yet to close.... the only ‘rest’ I felt in those 8 hours were the 2 milliseconds it took to blink every now and then. cool. 

You see, Vinny decided that 9:00 PM was a fantastic time to begin using my rib cage as a trampoline that caused a beautiful domino effect leading to extreme muscle spasms around my rib cage, down my spine and up my neck! 

Again, pleasant. Thanks, Vin. 

Little Vin was also confusing my heart for a punching bag and wreaking havoc with my heart rate, causing some fun sporadic heart palpitations... (which of course is a joy to have while trying to get to sleep! Not to mention adding an additional level of anxiety if I'm having a heart attack or stroke....?!) 

NEXT, our little Demon Friend was strumming my nerves like a damned guitar.... shooting pains down my arms to my fingertips and running up and down my spine. 

Overall, a pain filled night.... and morning! (Aaaaand generally what the last 7 days of my life have been like.) 

Oh! And I nearly forgot my favorite part.... I can’t eat. Yep, minor detail. The ulcers are back with a vengeance and they sure do like to bleed!! I’ve invented a new diet called “Anti-Bloody Mouth” where you find the softest, most bland, boring, tasteless food.... and you eat it! Very simple. 👊😀 It’s going great so far!!! 

But! Let us move to my GLITTER LININGS. Because (of course) without sleep, I gained another 10 hours of productivity!! What a blessing ✨💋

1. I had the opportunity to take a bubble bath at 5:00 AM.....because.... why not? 

2. At 6:00 AM, the fridge is pretty much FREE GAME and for once, I found a few GEMS... considering my mouth is full of bleeding ulcers and finding yummy but soft snacks has been VERY difficult. 

3. I organized all 4,569 photos in my camera roll into 17 very specific folders. 

4. Took a deep dive into Pinterest and invented a completely new definition of “falling down the rabbit hole.” 

5. Pondered life and solved all of the worlds racism, sexism, and whateverelse-isms with one profound phrase: “Treat people with 

kindness” (Just kidding, I didn’t come up with that.... Credit due: Harry Styles) ✨💋 

6. And lastly, I’ve had a lot of time to thank God over and over again that I was born with this mind and this will to FIGHT.... and to NEVER give up. 

I can’t lie and tell you I haven’t had a few dark days (Otherwise known as my "Low Valley" days) but my sunny days and "High Mountain" days are filled with gratitude and love!! 

I’m blessed to have this body that fights so hard for me and I know someday these trials will all make sense..... 

Until then: I’LL JUST KEEP GETTING UP! ✨💋

Thank You

Thank you. 

Thank you for being you. Thank you for being there for anyone who may need help. Thank you for your selflessness. Thankful for you being here for me. Thank you for your physical support. Thank you for (A TON) of emotional support.

Thank you for helping me with doctors and scary appointments. Thank you for looking me straight in the eyes and never once blinking or looking away as they pull another sample from my spine. Thank you for being one of the first faces I see when I wake up from surgeries and procedures. Thank you for holding my hair back as we both kneel in the hard tile floor. 

Thank you for sitting on the toilet at 4:45 in the morning to talk to me while I take a bubble bath because I just can't sleep. Thank you for your patience as my mind is slipping further away. Thank you for loving me in the way that I need to be loved right now. 

I’m sorry that was a novel.... I guess I could’ve just kept short and sweet and said all of those same words by saying: 

THANK YOU FOR BEING MY MOM!!! 

Phase 1: Operation EVICT VINNY

Vinny has been feeling pretty attention deprived over the last 9 months..... so he flew into town to take a quick visit the last 2 weeks.😡

(For those of you just now joining this journey: The viral infection in my spine has been named Vinny.... just FYI) 

Luckily, my close friends at the Mayo Clinic know what’s up and we’ve officially launched: 

“Phase 1: Operation EVICT VINNY.” 

Today, we blasted Vin with a massive dose of Anti-Viral, Anti-Inflammatory, andddd the “güd stuff” 😝 I’ll be visiting with my Mayo Mates for the next 3-days to try to drown him out!! 

For now, my neurologist is attacking Vinny with a very proactive attitude and and is very happy I came in (so we can put a STOP to this cycle!!) 

We are ahead of the game on this one, guys!! 

Never fear. This one isn’t even knockin’ me down.... 

Tired

I hurt  

And I'm always tired

Inside and out

I'm tired of being sick and left out 

I'm tired of being a default choice 

I'm tired of resenting family 

I'm tired of not being taken care of 

I'm tired of feeling like an inconvenience 

I'm tired of trying sooo hard to get attention 

I'm tired of trying to feel wanted 

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not the girl for you 

I'm tired of trying to convince myself I am 

I'm tired of trying to be the girl I think you want 

I'm tired of saying I'm fine when I'm clearly not 

I'm tired of being unhappy 

I'm tired of feeling alone in a full room  

I'm tired of the pain squeezing my heart daily 

I'm tired of sobbing alone in bed 

I'm tired of being this me 

I'm tired of life 

I'm just tired.